Four
She knew that her decision to take the job in Washington was going to be controversial, but Sarah never expected the firestorm of guilt and criticism that she actually received. She actually thought, for a brief moment or two, that her family might be pleased with her accomplishment—the youngest director in the history of the company—and be happy for her.
She announced her decision at Sunday dinner, heart pounding as loudly as if she had run a marathon. As usual, her grandmother had come for the big family meal that was as much a part of the family’s weekly routine as going to work or school. After a few mouthfuls of pot roast that stuck in her dry, nervous throat, she finally spoke.
“I’ve accepted the Washington job,” she said. Her mother fell silent and clutched the edge of the table. Her grandmother was the first to speak.
“There is absolutely no excuse for a young girl to go out and live on her own, especially in another city.” She shook her head in disgust. “My god, Sarah. What will our neighbors think when they find out that you’ve moved out. Unmarried. Ugh. I am so ashamed.”
Her mother began to cry. “I can’t believe that you would just leave us behind. I thought that you cared about us.”
Sarah sat stone-faced and silent. She was equally disappointed, hurt and angry at their response.
“All of these years, you were probably just waiting for the moment that you could turn on us, just cast us aside like a used toy.” Her mother sniffled. “I’m not angry. I suppose I expected this sort of stunt from you all along. I’m just very, very disappointed in you.”
“How can you be disappointed?” Sarah asked in disbelief. “I’m being promoted. I’ve got a good job with a good company. They respect the work that I do and they’re rewarding me for it. How can this be a disappointment?”
“I don’t know what those Washington people are like, but I know that our kind of people would think it mighty suspicious” Dottie said. “Young girl living alone in a city, supposedly there for ‘work’. Oh, I’m sure they’ll have stories to tell about you.”
“And what,” her mother asked, “What on earth will they think of your family? Who in their right mind would let their daughter out into the world like that, without guidance or supervision?”
“Jesus Christ, Mom!” Sarah yelled. “I’m 24 years old, not 7. I don’t require a babysitter. I’m being promoted to Director. And you’re worried about whether or not the neighbors in my apartment think that you’re some sort of failure as a parent, all because I’ll be living alone?”
“Sarah, it’s not about you living alone per se. It’s what living alone means. You know that they’ll hear that you’re living alone and they’ll just know that it’s because you’re having S-E-X.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“We are absolutely not kidding, Sarah,” her grandmother said sternly. “And I am deeply disappointed in the way that you have been raised if you think even for one moment that this sort of behavior is acceptable.”
“Three generations without scandal,” her mother mumbled. “No drug habits, no unplanned pregnancies, no divorces and certainly no illicit affairs. And now this. Next you’re going to tell me that you’re dating a married man.”
“I’m not seeing anyone, which is why I have the flexibility to take this promotion. I wouldn’t have gotten this chance if I’d been married at 22, or if I had kids to take care of.”
“There is nothing wrong with finding a nice man and settling down. I don’t see why your generation thinks it’s acceptable to be a whore. I blame it on MTV.” Dottie rose from the table, her unfinished dinner left behind, secretly uncertain as to what MTV actually was, but knowing that it was often cited as a reason for the moral decline of the nation’s youth. “Frankly, I’m disgusted by this turn of events. Kathy, I don’t know if you ever plan to show your face in this town again, but I would advise against it. I’m just disgusted by the way that Sarah has turned out, and frankly, I have nothing further to say to you until you find a way to make her toe the line.” She picked up her coat and purse and headed for the door. “I am appalled, Kathy. Appalled.” She shut the door forcefully, but without properly slamming it like a normal person in an argument. She certainly wouldn’t want to draw attention to their family issues.
Kathy stared at Sarah, tears in her eyes. “I hope you’re happy,” she hissed at Sarah. “You’ve disgraced this family and hurt your grandmother deeply.”
“Hurt!” Sarah yelled. “She’s hurt? What about me? Why has no one taken a moment to think about how I feel? Here’s this great opportunity, and what do I get? No congratulations. No ‘we’ll miss you.’ No, I’m told that I’m a disappointment, a disgrace and a whore. Well I’ve had enough. I’ve played by your stupid”—Sarah paused for a moment as she debated whether or not to use the forbidden f-word—“fucking rules for entirely too long. I’ve had enough.” She stormed out of the dining room and slammed her bedroom door, not caring which of the neighbors heard, or what they thought.
Her mother raced up the stairs behind her. “Don’t you dare slam doors in this house, young lady! This is my house and as long as you live here you will play by my rules. Do you hear me?”
“Loud and clear,” Sarah shouted back through the door. “Don’t worry. I won’t be playing by these rules for much longer.”
She pulled a folder out of her briefcase, found the toll free hotline number and began to dial. “Yes, hi. I’d like to start my relocation paperwork, please. I’ll be moving to Washington as quickly as I can get there.” Within 45 minutes she had the name and location of the extended stay suite hotel that she would be using during the transition, an airline ticket and hotel room for three days of apartment hunting, a real estate rental agent, and an appointment for the movers to come a week from Tuesday. After tonight, the move could not happen fast enough for her liking. Enough was enough.
Her father knocked softly on her bedroom door. She knew it was him because her mother showed no respect for her privacy and would often walk right in, regardless of whether the door was open or closed. Her father was the only one in the family who seemed capable of knocking.
“Hey,” he said, softly, looking over his shoulder to see if Kathy was within earshot.
“Hey,” Sarah replied.
“I. Uh. Well, I just… uh.” He leaned forward and gave her a hug. “Go get ‘em, kid,” he said, giving her a playful little punch on the arm. “It’ll be tough starting over, but no tougher than this.”
“No kidding,” she said. “I just don’t see why….” She stopped, choked up with pent-up emotion from the evening’s events. “I always thought that I was doing the right thing. I never meant to disappoint anyone.”
“Shhhh.” He cut her off. “It is what it is. Let it go.” He leaned in again for a kiss on the forehead. “They don’t realize what a good kid you’ve always been. They could have done a lot worse than having you for a daughter or granddaughter. They can only focus on the negative that someone else might possibly see, rather than the positive that’s right in front of their eyes. You’ve been right there all along, and neither of them ever realized just how good they’ve got it.” He paused, took a breath like he was about to say something more, and then stopped. “Goodnight, baby. Sleep well. I’ll get that headboard out from the workshop and ready for when the movers get here.”
He closed the door behind him. Sarah sat on the edge of the bed and wept quietly for what seemed like an eternity, until she had no tears left to shed. It was a cathartic cry, the kind that leaves you refreshingly drained and slightly helpless. For the first time in hours, she relaxed enough that she could even begin to consider sleep. She curled up under the covers with a large novel that she had been struggling with for weeks. She read the same paragraph three times, and fell asleep with the light on.
She announced her decision at Sunday dinner, heart pounding as loudly as if she had run a marathon. As usual, her grandmother had come for the big family meal that was as much a part of the family’s weekly routine as going to work or school. After a few mouthfuls of pot roast that stuck in her dry, nervous throat, she finally spoke.
“I’ve accepted the Washington job,” she said. Her mother fell silent and clutched the edge of the table. Her grandmother was the first to speak.
“There is absolutely no excuse for a young girl to go out and live on her own, especially in another city.” She shook her head in disgust. “My god, Sarah. What will our neighbors think when they find out that you’ve moved out. Unmarried. Ugh. I am so ashamed.”
Her mother began to cry. “I can’t believe that you would just leave us behind. I thought that you cared about us.”
Sarah sat stone-faced and silent. She was equally disappointed, hurt and angry at their response.
“All of these years, you were probably just waiting for the moment that you could turn on us, just cast us aside like a used toy.” Her mother sniffled. “I’m not angry. I suppose I expected this sort of stunt from you all along. I’m just very, very disappointed in you.”
“How can you be disappointed?” Sarah asked in disbelief. “I’m being promoted. I’ve got a good job with a good company. They respect the work that I do and they’re rewarding me for it. How can this be a disappointment?”
“I don’t know what those Washington people are like, but I know that our kind of people would think it mighty suspicious” Dottie said. “Young girl living alone in a city, supposedly there for ‘work’. Oh, I’m sure they’ll have stories to tell about you.”
“And what,” her mother asked, “What on earth will they think of your family? Who in their right mind would let their daughter out into the world like that, without guidance or supervision?”
“Jesus Christ, Mom!” Sarah yelled. “I’m 24 years old, not 7. I don’t require a babysitter. I’m being promoted to Director. And you’re worried about whether or not the neighbors in my apartment think that you’re some sort of failure as a parent, all because I’ll be living alone?”
“Sarah, it’s not about you living alone per se. It’s what living alone means. You know that they’ll hear that you’re living alone and they’ll just know that it’s because you’re having S-E-X.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“We are absolutely not kidding, Sarah,” her grandmother said sternly. “And I am deeply disappointed in the way that you have been raised if you think even for one moment that this sort of behavior is acceptable.”
“Three generations without scandal,” her mother mumbled. “No drug habits, no unplanned pregnancies, no divorces and certainly no illicit affairs. And now this. Next you’re going to tell me that you’re dating a married man.”
“I’m not seeing anyone, which is why I have the flexibility to take this promotion. I wouldn’t have gotten this chance if I’d been married at 22, or if I had kids to take care of.”
“There is nothing wrong with finding a nice man and settling down. I don’t see why your generation thinks it’s acceptable to be a whore. I blame it on MTV.” Dottie rose from the table, her unfinished dinner left behind, secretly uncertain as to what MTV actually was, but knowing that it was often cited as a reason for the moral decline of the nation’s youth. “Frankly, I’m disgusted by this turn of events. Kathy, I don’t know if you ever plan to show your face in this town again, but I would advise against it. I’m just disgusted by the way that Sarah has turned out, and frankly, I have nothing further to say to you until you find a way to make her toe the line.” She picked up her coat and purse and headed for the door. “I am appalled, Kathy. Appalled.” She shut the door forcefully, but without properly slamming it like a normal person in an argument. She certainly wouldn’t want to draw attention to their family issues.
Kathy stared at Sarah, tears in her eyes. “I hope you’re happy,” she hissed at Sarah. “You’ve disgraced this family and hurt your grandmother deeply.”
“Hurt!” Sarah yelled. “She’s hurt? What about me? Why has no one taken a moment to think about how I feel? Here’s this great opportunity, and what do I get? No congratulations. No ‘we’ll miss you.’ No, I’m told that I’m a disappointment, a disgrace and a whore. Well I’ve had enough. I’ve played by your stupid”—Sarah paused for a moment as she debated whether or not to use the forbidden f-word—“fucking rules for entirely too long. I’ve had enough.” She stormed out of the dining room and slammed her bedroom door, not caring which of the neighbors heard, or what they thought.
Her mother raced up the stairs behind her. “Don’t you dare slam doors in this house, young lady! This is my house and as long as you live here you will play by my rules. Do you hear me?”
“Loud and clear,” Sarah shouted back through the door. “Don’t worry. I won’t be playing by these rules for much longer.”
She pulled a folder out of her briefcase, found the toll free hotline number and began to dial. “Yes, hi. I’d like to start my relocation paperwork, please. I’ll be moving to Washington as quickly as I can get there.” Within 45 minutes she had the name and location of the extended stay suite hotel that she would be using during the transition, an airline ticket and hotel room for three days of apartment hunting, a real estate rental agent, and an appointment for the movers to come a week from Tuesday. After tonight, the move could not happen fast enough for her liking. Enough was enough.
Her father knocked softly on her bedroom door. She knew it was him because her mother showed no respect for her privacy and would often walk right in, regardless of whether the door was open or closed. Her father was the only one in the family who seemed capable of knocking.
“Hey,” he said, softly, looking over his shoulder to see if Kathy was within earshot.
“Hey,” Sarah replied.
“I. Uh. Well, I just… uh.” He leaned forward and gave her a hug. “Go get ‘em, kid,” he said, giving her a playful little punch on the arm. “It’ll be tough starting over, but no tougher than this.”
“No kidding,” she said. “I just don’t see why….” She stopped, choked up with pent-up emotion from the evening’s events. “I always thought that I was doing the right thing. I never meant to disappoint anyone.”
“Shhhh.” He cut her off. “It is what it is. Let it go.” He leaned in again for a kiss on the forehead. “They don’t realize what a good kid you’ve always been. They could have done a lot worse than having you for a daughter or granddaughter. They can only focus on the negative that someone else might possibly see, rather than the positive that’s right in front of their eyes. You’ve been right there all along, and neither of them ever realized just how good they’ve got it.” He paused, took a breath like he was about to say something more, and then stopped. “Goodnight, baby. Sleep well. I’ll get that headboard out from the workshop and ready for when the movers get here.”
He closed the door behind him. Sarah sat on the edge of the bed and wept quietly for what seemed like an eternity, until she had no tears left to shed. It was a cathartic cry, the kind that leaves you refreshingly drained and slightly helpless. For the first time in hours, she relaxed enough that she could even begin to consider sleep. She curled up under the covers with a large novel that she had been struggling with for weeks. She read the same paragraph three times, and fell asleep with the light on.
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